couldn't sleep

I wake up every morning

Some days I feel like that's were it stops.

Although I often just go through the motions

I never take for granted one single moment

Please don't get the wrong notion

That there is no time for hugs and kisses through the day

There are many that all we do is play

But either way,

My children have me, and I do my best,

When their daddy is away

So he can rest

But I go through the motions because that's what it takes

Changing diapers, picking up toys, fixing meals

Always a baby on my hip and a toddler at my heels

Baskets full of laundry, dishes piled high

I finally take a moment to let out a sigh

Regroup. Organize. Make a list in my head

Of all the things that must be done before I go to bed

Wash the linens and pay the bills

Sweep the floors, dust the shelves

Keeping busy leaves me no time to think

I remember the dishes beside the sink

Back and forth all day

Between the moments I find time to pray

It's nap time here

And bed time there

I call you once but it doesn't go through

I call again hoping, praying I'll get to talk to you

I hear your voice, soft and low,

You don't want to wake the others so out you go

You pull on your boots and walk outside

In a land I've never seen, where you serve with pride.

You say your day was boring

Of this I am grateful

But you're so tired

I think you'll start snoring

We talk of our day and cute things the baby did

"Another thing I've missed" is what you said

I sigh and tell you, "We understand"

But you scoff and I know you feel less of a man

For missing out on all they do

While we are here waiting for you

Day out and day in

You miss the cries and the grins

But don't drop your chin

We'll always be here

For as long as you're gone

I'll do what needs done

We say "good night' so you can sleep

I sit in the chair and just want to weep

But instead I get up and find something to do

I have to move on when I'm missing you

Nap time is over, school is out

Big brother comes in and drops his backpack

Time for homework and a little snack

Maybe some Xbox or just time to kick back

It's time for supper

Your seat is not taken

One more moment when

My stare is vacant

But then,

I look at our beautiful children and know

How blessed we are to watch them grow

Happy and healthy, amazing and smart

They are all off to a wonderful start

The evening passes

They're all tucked in bed

This is the time

That I most dread

I put on sweats and your old t shirt

My favorite is one from your old unit

I try to remember the smell of the dust and the dirt

When I would wash your uniforms and your ACU shirts

I never thought I'd miss that stench

The one I complained of often

But now I wish for that safe and familiar scent

When you're home, I promise, my disdain will soften

I try to fall asleep quickly

So there's no time to shed tears

But the nights sleep eludes me

They take over swiftly

I cry for me, for us,

I miss you so much

Our children

Oh what they must think of this

Do they comprehend why Daddy is away?

Do they know you wish you could stay?

When you come back home will they fear each time you walk out the door

That you won't come back for 12 months or more?

I want you home

So when I say…Anything

You can turn my way and throw me a glance

With those consuming eyes and cupid's lips

I used to tell you I missed you when you came home from work

Eighteen hours has nothing on the past 7 months

The days drag on, not moving fast enough

I often wonder if I'll make it one more

I think I'll scream if you don't walk through the door

Your arms around me,

My head on your chest,

When you're home, like this

I'll finally rest

When you can hold our me and our children

Close to your heart

And it will feel like

We were never apart

Audrey A. Graham

Army Wife and Mother

January 22, 2009