This Woman's Heart

Parenting Can Be Stinky Business

2009-02-03T22:24:00.002-06:00

Well, today started like any other. I woke up with Maddie at 4:45 am. She had been asleep since 8:30 pm last night and was obviously hungry. After she ate, but before she was ready to shut her little eyes to sleep, she let out with some crazy screaming and crying. The culprit was GAS. The girl has got it. It’s horrible and very un-lady like and I am afraid the poor baby will be plagued with it her entire life. She has her father’s sensitive stomach. They eat like pigs rooting around in a trough and then wonder why they have an upset stomach about 10 minutes later. Madeline’s irritable stomach is part of the reason I quit nursing her. It was the main reason. It did not matter the adjustments I made to my diet, she still had horrible pains in her little tummy and couldn’t get it out. So, I put her on formula specifically for gassiness and fussiness associated with gas. I noticed a difference in her behavior within the first 12 hours. “Wonderful,” I thought, “we can finally be rid of the tummy aches.” Little did I know that, now, instead of just having gas rumbling in her little tummy, it would be coming out quite easily. This was great relief for her, but bad news for us. I have dubbed her “Daddy’s Little Machine Gun” When she toots, it literally comes out in bursts that sound like a machine gun with air coming out instead of bullets. And I am amazed when she burps. She puts grown men to shame. I asked her pediatrician about it, and he said to start her on cereal. Well, that had her in terrible pains and she couldn’t get rid of it very easily. So, she won’t be getting anything except formula until her digestive track matures. I cannot believe I am writing a blog about this, but she cannot be the only infant with this extreme problem. I am reaching out to mothers and fathers everywhere for their advice, thoughts, and experiences with this problem. Help Maddie get rid of the G~A~S!

couldn't sleep

2009-01-23T00:41:00.003-06:00

I wake up every morning

Some days I feel like that's were it stops.

Although I often just go through the motions

I never take for granted one single moment

Please don't get the wrong notion

That there is no time for hugs and kisses through the day

There are many that all we do is play

But either way,

My children have me, and I do my best,

When their daddy is away

So he can rest

But I go through the motions because that's what it takes

Changing diapers, picking up toys, fixing meals

Always a baby on my hip and a toddler at my heels

Baskets full of laundry, dishes piled high

I finally take a moment to let out a sigh

Regroup. Organize. Make a list in my head

Of all the things that must be done before I go to bed

Wash the linens and pay the bills

Sweep the floors, dust the shelves

Keeping busy leaves me no time to think

I remember the dishes beside the sink

Back and forth all day

Between the moments I find time to pray

It's nap time here

And bed time there

I call you once but it doesn't go through

I call again hoping, praying I'll get to talk to you

I hear your voice, soft and low,

You don't want to wake the others so out you go

You pull on your boots and walk outside

In a land I've never seen, where you serve with pride.

You say your day was boring

Of this I am grateful

But you're so tired

I think you'll start snoring

We talk of our day and cute things the baby did

"Another thing I've missed" is what you said

I sigh and tell you, "We understand"

But you scoff and I know you feel less of a man

For missing out on all they do

While we are here waiting for you

Day out and day in

You miss the cries and the grins

But don't drop your chin

We'll always be here

For as long as you're gone

I'll do what needs done

We say "good night' so you can sleep

I sit in the chair and just want to weep

But instead I get up and find something to do

I have to move on when I'm missing you

Nap time is over, school is out

Big brother comes in and drops his backpack

Time for homework and a little snack

Maybe some Xbox or just time to kick back

It's time for supper

Your seat is not taken

One more moment when

My stare is vacant

But then,

I look at our beautiful children and know

How blessed we are to watch them grow

Happy and healthy, amazing and smart

They are all off to a wonderful start

The evening passes

They're all tucked in bed

This is the time

That I most dread

I put on sweats and your old t shirt

My favorite is one from your old unit

I try to remember the smell of the dust and the dirt

When I would wash your uniforms and your ACU shirts

I never thought I'd miss that stench

The one I complained of often

But now I wish for that safe and familiar scent

When you're home, I promise, my disdain will soften

I try to fall asleep quickly

So there's no time to shed tears

But the nights sleep eludes me

They take over swiftly

I cry for me, for us,

I miss you so much

Our children

Oh what they must think of this

Do they comprehend why Daddy is away?

Do they know you wish you could stay?

When you come back home will they fear each time you walk out the door

That you won't come back for 12 months or more?

I want you home

So when I say…Anything

You can turn my way and throw me a glance

With those consuming eyes and cupid's lips

I used to tell you I missed you when you came home from work

Eighteen hours has nothing on the past 7 months

The days drag on, not moving fast enough

I often wonder if I'll make it one more

I think I'll scream if you don't walk through the door

Your arms around me,

My head on your chest,

When you're home, like this

I'll finally rest

When you can hold our me and our children

Close to your heart

And it will feel like

We were never apart

Audrey A. Graham

Army Wife and Mother

January 22, 2009

My Aunt Judy

2008-09-09T23:33:00.001-05:00

Those of you who are close to me know that my great Aunt Judy has been battling cancer since last year. Her diagnosis was made late in the fall and she fought it every step of the way until Tuesday, September 2nd, 2008. I have so much I want to say about her right now, but it is overwhelming and my fingers can't move that fast. Maybe another day I'll tell you all as much about her as I can because anyone whose life she touched was blessed beyond belief, and that is worth mentioning.

Aunt Judy with Auston and Tres, April 21, 2007

Military Wife

2008-09-04T08:02:00.004-05:00

This was sent to me in an email by one of the first "military wives" I had met. She welcomed me to my first post and a life for which I was very naive about. Amber' if you' and the other ladies who welcomed me to Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri, are reading this; Thank You! I thought by sharing this with others that it may offer a simple view of what our lives entail on a daily basis and what a strong but gentle woman it takes to be a military wife.

What is a MILITARY Wife?
They may look different and each is wonderfully unique.
But what do they have in common?

They have THIS IN COMMON!

Lots of moving---Moving.
Moving far from home.
Moving two cars, three kids and one dog----all riding with HER of Course.
Moving sofas to basements because they won't go in THIS house.
Moving curtains that won't fit.
Moving jobs and certifications and professional development hours.
Moving away from friends, moving toward new friends.
Moving her most important luggage; her trunkful of memories.

Often waiting-Waiting, waiting;
waiting for housing;
waiting for orders;
waiting for deployment;
waiting for reunion;
waiting for phones calls;
waiting for the new curtains to arrive;
waiting for him to come home
For dinner----AGAIN!

They call her 'military dependent', but she knows better.
She can balance a checkbook,
Handle the yard work,
Fix a noisy toilet,
Bury the family pet...
She is intimately familiar with drywall, anchors, and toggle bolts.
She can file the taxes, sell a house, buy a car, or set up a move ----
all with ONE Power of Attorney.

She welcomes neighbors that don't welcome her.
Reinvents her career with every PCS;
locates a house in the desert,the arctic, or the deep south and learns to call them all 'home.'
She MAKES them all home.

She is fiercely IN-dependent and somewhat hasty;
Leaps into decorating, leadership, volunteering, career alternatives,churches and friendships.
She doesn't have 15 years to get to know people.
Her roots are short but flexible.
She plants annuals for themselves and perennials for those who come after them.

Military Wives quickly learn to value each other.
They connect over coffee, rely on the spouse-network
and accept offersof friendship and favors and record addresses in pencil.

Military Wives have a common bond.
The Military Wife has a husband unlike other husbands, his commitment is unique.
He doesn't have a job, he has a 'mission' -- he can't decide toquit--
he's on-call for his country 24/7,
but for the military wife, he'sthe most unreliable guy in town!

His language is foreign:
TDY
PCS
OPR
ACC
BDU

And so, a Military Wife is a translator for her family and his.
She is the long-distance link to keep them informed and the glue that
holds them together.

Military Wife has her moments----
She wants to wring his neck, dye his uniform pink, and refuse to moveto Siberia.
But she pulls herself together.
Give her a few days, a travel brochure, a long hot bath, a pledge tothe flag,
and a wedding picture.
And she goes.
She packs.
She moves.
She follows.
Why?
What for?
How come?

You may think it is because she has lost her mind.
But actually it is because she has lost her heart.
It was stolen from her by a man
Who puts duty first
Who longs to deploy
Who salutes the flag
And whose boots in the doorway remind her that as long as he is her
Military husband, she will remain his Military wife.

American Idol

2008-09-02T14:25:00.004-05:00

This past weekend my sister- Sarah- and my son-Auston- and myself traveled to Kansas City to cash in on Auston's 10th birthday present from his wonderful aunt. Front row tickets and Meet & Greet passes to the American Idol concert at the Sprint Center in downtown Kansas City. What an experience. The show was great, the hotel was excellent, and the company was the best. Auston's was excited before we even got to the show because we were staying in a "real" hotel, which by his definition was anything which cost more than a Best Western or a Motel 6. Our room was on the 23rd floor and we could look down onto the pool on the 7th floor. For dinner before the concert, for lack of options, we had to order room service. This topped off his day before we even got to the concert! I didn't know that chicken strips with fries, salads, and drinks for 3 people could cost so much! But it was worth seeing the look on his face when the guy wheeled in the cart with the covered dishes and flowers and miniature bottles of ketchup and mayonnaise. My sister and I realized that neither of us had ever had room service either! After we finished primping, we set out on foot to the Sprint Center to meet Sarah's friend and her family who also went.

After meeting up with her we made it past security and stood in line forever to buy t shirts and programs. Again, I could have bought a weeks worth of groceries including extra packages of cookies for the amount of money we spent. Auston wore his American Idol shirt proudly, though, and I kept telling myself we would most likely not have an experience like this together for quite some time. We found the restrooms, drinks, and our seats without any drama, but then the 20 minute wait until the start of the concert began. We watched several very interesting people pass by, talked about how surreal it was that we were so close and that we were actually going to meet the people who we watched on TV every week for what seemed like eternity. People who we voted for and helped get them to the stage which we were sitting in front of.

About seven o'clock, the lights started changing and we knew the show was starting, but not the show we had in mind. The MC for the night, came running up the aisle with a giant Pop Tart on feet and stopped right in front of us. Since we were all standing up clapping and yelling, he decided to use our chairs to stand on and do his little skit. He got and old, bald, chubby guy to dance by following step by step instructions on how to shake his booty, and then a couple of middle aged women who were sitting behind us tried to do the same but in the end, it looked like they were doing the chicken dance. The point of all of this is that we were on the jumbo-tron because the MC was standing on our chairs. Sarah caught a snap shot, and I am barely in the corner of it. Once it is downloaded, I am sure you will barely be able to make out my smile.

The concert then started with a count down from contestant number 10 to 1. It was all pretty uneventful, fun and great sounding voices, but nothing moving. Until Kristy Lee Cook sang "God Bless America" with a gigantic American Flag behind her on the stage. I stood up to show my respect for the most patriotic symbol our country has and the men and women who sacrifice every day to protect that symbol and all that it stands for. I started to feel my chest fill with pride in my husband, and then my eyes welled up thinking of all he is missing while he is gone and how much he is missed. Luckily we were in a concert and the noise level was insane because I think I added to it when I lost control and started bawling like a baby away from its mama for the first time. Being as blessed as I am, my sister and son both rallied around me and shed a tear or two as well while we all stood there with their arms around me and mine around my two children who were with me. I just stood their hoping and praying that my husband doesn't have to make the ultimate sacrifice for his country and thanking God for those who already have. I never thought I would have such an emotional experience at a concert which stemmed from the pop culture of our country. After the tears were dried and a few hugs passed around, we kept on having the best time ever.

Singing along and dancing to the songs we knew, and the ones we didn't, we'd cross our fingers each time hoping it was a well known song from the show. The performances by all of the singers were amazing, but when David Archuletta and then David Cook took the stage...I thought my ear drums were going to explode. It was insane. I figured out why people pass out, they forget to breathe among all of the yelling and screaming.

The night was topped off by going to an After show Meet & Greet. We met and got autographs and pictures with all but three of the artists. Two of them showed up late and ducked out after five minutes and David Cook hung out with his own friends and family in a different area. He was supposed to come, but when he wasn't there by 11:15 pm and Brooke White said the bus rolled out at midnight, we figured he wasn't coming. Auston got autographs from and pictures with Syesha, David A., Brooke, Michael, Carly, Jason, and Kristy Lee. We were extremely pleased with seven autographs/pics, but very, very, very disappointed in not meeting David Cook. Exhausted, we walked back to our rooms at the Crowne Plaza Hotel for some much needed rest.

It was an awesome experience to have with my son and sister and the most fun I've had in a long time. (even though I kept thinking about Tres and Beau!)

I'll post some pictures of Auston with the American Idols as soon as I get some from my sis.

My first blog...

2008-08-27T23:39:00.002-05:00

I know you know it’s no secret the way I feel
I won’t let go, there’s something in your touch
I thought I’d never find something in your kiss
Brought me back to life

This woman’s heart beats steady and strong
And keeps holding on, I’ll give my all to stand by your side
For the rest of my life it’s true only for you
From this moment on I give you this woman’s heart

Don’t be afraid you can count on a love that’s real
Each step we take I’ll be by your side
And we’ll build our world together, put your faith in me
I promise that forever

This woman’s heart beats steady and strong
And keeps holding on, I’ll give my all to stand by your side
For the rest of my life it’s true only for you
From this moment on I give you this woman’s heart

This woman’s heart beats steady and strong
And keeps holding on, I’ll give my all to stand by your side
For the rest of my life it’s true only for you
From this moment on I give you this woman’s heart

These were the lyrics that rang out into world as I walked down the aisle to marry my wonderful husband. I am dedicating this blog to our life together as best friends and parents; and our life apart as he serves our nation's armed forces in Afghanistan and I hold down the fort here at home with another baby on the way. At the time, I felt these lyrics expressed how I felt about my husband, Beau, better than any words I could ever write. Over the last four years of meshing our lives, sharing memories and making new ones, they still ring true. Maybe even truer as I go through a lot of "firsts" as an Army wife while he is deployed. The first time moving without him, going through this pregnancy without him, probably delivering our first baby girl together without him. I know I am not the first woman to travel this road, but this is my personal experience and I want to share it with my family, friends, and my husband. I guarantee the next year will be quite a journey for this woman's heart.